Twice Born by Margaret Mazzantini

Author:Margaret Mazzantini [Mazzantini, Margaret]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Literary, Fiction
ISBN: 9781101515181
Google: OKnf0ixsTnoC
Publisher: Oneworld Publications
Published: 2011-01-06T23:00:00+00:00

I let that sentence slide into my chest, went back to sit on the bench and waited for the effect to sink down deep, down into my belly.

Diego was watching us. He could sense something, the new wine of an intimacy.

“What are you two doing?”

“Ništa .” Nothing.

I told him to roll another joint. I wanted to laugh and laugh, for everything to melt into long languid laughter. We were done with clinics, needles, withdrawals of seminal fluid. We were done with everything that had made me suffer. Goodbye to ejaculations into glass, hello to coitus in the flesh, Aska’s white warm flesh that now seemed like my own. It would be like the three of us making love together, being warm together, like a little while ago, when the three of us huddled together at the window, the two of us and our sheep.

It was just the flesh we needed. She was young and Diego liked her. Anyone would have liked a morsel like that, a Sarajevan dimwit as beautiful as the sun, made just a bit ugly by fashion, by stupidity toward herself.

We looked into each other’s eyes for a little while longer. She wasn’t embarrassed. She didn’t lower her eyes, she held them there, abandoned in my own, guileless. She was simply not as happy as before. Now she was leaning against the window and I was learning something about her. She was slightly disconnected from the world, as if there had always been a little void to cross, to violate, between her and everything around her. There were no bridges for her, there was a flowing river, and she was looking for something to grab on to in the water, a rock sticking up, something. Now she’d found it, that rock, and little did it matter that it was her own body.

I thought she had waited for me, that she had come my way to help me, that she’d been born for that purpose, that it was her destiny. She’d floated between us by chance, like a child when a couple makes love, and this was a night of love, with those distant gunshots almost keeping us company, admonishing us, teaching us that life has its risks, its harshness, and that one might as well get straight to the point and risk everything once and for all, go all the way. I looked through the windowpanes at the profiles of the hills outlined by the glimmer of moonlight. What were we, sheep or wolves?

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